result fever...

oh no...! results for the december 2008 exams were out this afternoon..!! i sat for one paper if you remember reading it on my blog..a really tough 1 and i don't know how to face it...went to college this afternoon for cf meeting and met my friends so joined them for lunch..half of people at the table or more had no appetite to eat anything cause they were too worried...

after lunch, everyone went back to the library to check the results online..the atmosphere was..gosh! i don't like it..it puts me into fear even more..but it was so glad to hear the cheers, screams, laughters and to see the relieved faces and people jumping for joy...at one moment, i wished i was them..they're people from the earlier intakes so they passed all the papers already..

how bout me? guess what?i had no courage at all to see my results..i rather not see it and keep hoping..at least there's still hope..this is the first time i'm online for today which means i've not checked it yet...

i really feel guilty for not having enough faith..for worrying..for being scared..for not having the courage to face the truth... i guess i'm one of the few who have not checked my result..i would rather someone just chuck me the result and force me to accept it..

when i opened my inbox just now..i saw the mail...i shall go open it now..or a while later and continue this post with the outcome...

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and here it is...
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phew! i passed...the moment i opened it, it was a silent " yay! i passed!! " probably cause it was already 12am..publishing my result here is so not me but i'm just too happy and relieved...if you think 53 marks is low, i wanna tell you that i'm so so so happy and proud of it cause i know i didn't do well in that paper..i myself couldn't find 40 marks in the paper..what more the examiner? the papers were all sent to uk to be marked and i was really scared they wouldn't understand what i wrote..

it is definitely by God's grace that i can pass..God must have blessed me with a super duper kind and lenient examiner cause that's what i prayed for after the exam..words can't express how thankful i am..i really don't deserve 53 marks...all i wanted was to pass.. God is a great God... i feel even more guilty for not trusting Him fully...i kept reminding myself to have faith in Him and i will pass...but i kept thinking, what if i really fail...what if this and what if that...i have faith in Him but i didn't have faith in myself..

God has really blessed me abundantly throughout my exams in college for the past few months and i believe he will continue to if only i put my trust in Him and surrender everything into His hands..

thanks to all my friends for giving me the moral support to check my results and for some who offered to help me check..lol..my cowardness sure annoyed you a lil..

guess this is long enough to bore you..till then!

ps/. i've got to have more faith!