I FAILED!!!!

regarding the driving exam last friday which i kept talking about...I FAILED..!!i'm a failure..i've never heard of anyone who failed like me..i failed everything..slope, parking and on the road..ever heard of people failing like me?no right?? about the slope..i had no comments but regret..i estimated wrongly twice..i should have looked out instead of the stick but it's too late by the time i realise..so fine..i thought at least i can pass on the road..slope and parking's in the same category so i had no chance to do the parking..

and so i got a lady examiner on the road..my luck? well i finally agreed how HORRIBLE lady examiners are..she scolded me even before i started making mistakes and my concentration started to get distracted after that..well, i'm sicked of telling it in detail..something happened and she scolded me..i was like, "ok ok..i can still tahan you scold me, i wont do it again.."..that's not the problem..she DEMANDED for an answer..not just an answer but ANSWERS from me..come on, i'm already so suck at driving and you expect me to answer you when i'm driving??she tried to fail me several times when my car went out of lane at the turnings (according to her) but i defended myself though i'm not sure if she's really right..i was afraid tat she was just trying to accuse me...why not just mark an "x" at the catergory, "memandu di lorong yang betul/kawalan stereng"..just deduct my points and keep quiet..

every lil mistake i made, she consider it as driving dangerously..well i succeeded in defending myself for 2 or 3 times until at certain part she scolded me again as i came to a traffic light and it was turning red but i couldn't brake in time..i stopped after the white line..i could not defend myself anymore..so i failed..i asked her to let me drive back though i failed and she said no..why?cause she wanted to speed 80km/h..calling herself an examiner??the car jerked several times as well..professional huh??

oh yes, and then she said, "God only helps those who tell the truth.." what the??!!??she was trying to say that it's my punishment from God for not admitting my own mistakes..i hated her so much when she used God's name in vain..well she did give me chances but if she gave me chances, that also mean that she was half accusing me..so this is what she wrote on the form..

"ujian dihentikan..calon memandu secara MERbahaya (don't you know bm??there's no such thing as merbahaya, only BERbahaya..i dared not say it..afraid i would meet her again next time )..calon gagal mematuhi peraturan lampu isyarat..calon masih meneruskan perjalanan walaupun lampu bertukar kuning semasa kenderaan calon di belakang garisan putih dan lampu bertukar merah, calon membuat brek mengejut.." (i was actually expecting her to write "calon menentang penguji" but she didn't)..fail then fail lar..write so much for what?she even drew a picture of the incident..

it's now over..took me a few hours to get over it..the feeling of failing is terrible...i'm not crying because i failed..it's how i failed that matters and of course, the amount of money my dad has to pay matters even more.. i prayed so hard even 2 weeks before the exam and i asked my friends to pray for me too..but i still failed..i'm not blaming God for what happened..nobody knows God's plans..i assume he wants to make me a stronger person by facing this failure..truthfully, i think this is only the 2nd time i ever failed in an exam all my life(as long as i can remember )..He's trying to tell me that i may not succeed in everything i do..i have to face failures at times..it was His presence that gave me courage and confidence to face the exam and he gave me courage to DEFEND myself (i did not lie..)seriously i wasn't so panic during the exam..He gave me strength to face and get over it after i had my nap in the evening..never thought i would get over it that fast..well sometimes it's good to be forgetful because now, it feels like everything was a dream..unbelievable..

before the exam, i kept reading the few verses i copied down from the bible the night before exam to give me peace, courage and confidence..

If you have faith when you pray, you'll be given whatever you ask for.

Christ gives me the strength to face anything.

Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything, with thankful hearts, offer up your prayers and requests to God. He'll bless you with peace no one completely understands. This peace will control the way you think and feel.

Jesus replied, "why do you say 'if you can'?" anything is possible for someone who has faith.

Christ now gives us courage and confidence, so that we can come to God by faith. "That's why you should not be discouraged when I suffer for you." Afterall it'll bring honour to you.

Peace is not the absence of trouble it's the presence of God.

The peace Jesus offers is the quiet assurance of God's presence and protection wherever you are no matter what's going on around you.

i'm retaking the exam this coming friday (Feb. 22nd) and it's thinking's day as well..thanks everyone who prayed for me and for your concern..i need your prayer once again..thanks caryn for giving me endless support, concern and encouragement..i really appreciate it a lot..!!i need extra lessons and face the exam once more..i really wanna get this burden off as fast as i can..it's so heavy..anyway, i'm not fully blaming anyone for my failure but if only she didn't shout at me like that, i would have more CHANCES to pass..

p/s.sorry, i tried to make this short but the words just flowed out and my fingers went on typing..the top part is not important..just read those in purple and blue..